Rediscovering My Body Part 2 with Sex Therapist Tara Galeano

Hi, friends. So before I get into today's episode, I just want to let you know that tomorrow, I have a bonus episode coming out. And that's because tomorrow is the ninth anniversary of our son, Trevor suicide. And so I always do something special on that day to honor him in his memory. And I thought, the best way to do that this year was to introduce that story to you on my podcast. So if that's something that interests you, please make sure to subscribe and then share it with friends who you think might find that to be an interesting story.

If you want to pass it to parents who've lost children, that would also be fabulous, or people who've lost loved ones to suicide. So I hope to provide some inspiration, I guess, in the telling of that story. Welcome to beautifully bloomed, the podcast where we explore how to break you out of the box of rules and beliefs that are holding you back from the life you are meant to live. I'm your host, Rebecca Tervo. Join me as I share mindset tools, coaching conversations and Human Design to help you uncover your unique gifts and create the life, relationships and business you desire.

I am so excited to introduce you today to Tara Galliano who is a certified sex therapist, and has worked with women for over two decades to get their sexy back. She knows that there's pleasure in our body beyond our wildest dreams and every woman can access it. In rediscovering my body Tara teaches women how to show up for pleasure in their lives through reconnecting with their body. And she does this work now with her online courses and community and her retreats. Welcome, Tara, I am so happy to have you on my podcast lunch. Thank you so much for joining me today.

1:55
I'm so happy to be here with you, Rebecca, I think it's gonna be so much fun.

2:02
And before we get started, I wanted to tell the audience how we got to know each other because it's kind of a fun story. So I met you in a coaching group that we're in where we're learning how to run retreats and kind of be sourced leaders. And when I feel like when we first met, and it just I feel like we just clicked. I don't know, there's like some kind of chemistry there. Right.

2:29
Yeah. And then I think we got connected as homework partners. Like, oh, this feels so good. Yeah, I I knew at that moment that you have so much to offer. And I was so eager to learn more. Yeah. So many things are coming up for you that you weren't even really into like the Human Design. You're just kind of tapping the surface of that. And

2:49
yeah, so when did that happen in March or April? When did you start working in that group? Because I started I think in April.

2:58
Yeah, I didn't know. I was there in January.

3:02
You Yes. So you were there before already? Okay. But I, it's such a great group of women. And like, just, we all have such different backgrounds. It's super fun. And yeah, I've learned so much already, like even from you write about sexuality stuff, which is fascinating. People mentioned some of that. Um, yes, I remember telling a group of life coaches I had graduated with, I was like, Oh, and there's this sex therapist in this new group that I'm in like, it was like this. That's how it felt to me. Like it was a secret, like, ooh, under with that. I mean, I had never met a sex therapist in my life.

3:48
And we're normal people.

3:52
So I thought it would be really fun to have you on and talk about, because you've had a journey. I know from knowing what you've been through, you kind of were a therapist for 20 years, and you switch to a new direction to become a coach. And for me being a life coach, that's super interesting, because when I was a grief coach, I was told, hey, you should go partner with some therapists, which I thought it was a fantastic idea. And then I reached out to some therapists, and they were kind of resistant, let's say, and I don't know if you know this about therapists or have thought of this before, but it's like, coaching and therapy aren't the same thing. Right? But I felt like there was like a resistance to them really thinking coaching was a thing. So when I talk to therapists that actually turned to coaches, I'm like, that's really interesting. You know, so what for you, what was that journey about? Like, how did you decide to become a sex therapist, but then why did you make a switch to coaching?

4:55
Yeah, so how you know, yeah, so many, so many good questions. So I'll just Beginning of the beginning of my journey is that I graduated from Naropa University, which is a Buddhist inspired University in Boulder, Colorado. And I was trained as a contemplative therapist. So what that means is that there's really a strong connection between the mind and the body that's emphasized throughout the program, we met a lot. And when I graduated from that program, I wanted to work with people who wanted to work with me, because I was just building a practice.

And I knew that I wanted to be in private practice, because I wanted the flexibility of being able to take care of my young children, and work when I wanted to work and not be working when I didn't want to work. So that was my main goal is flexibility of schedule, to start a private practice. And all of the people who were coming to me wanted to talk about sex, and sexual identity and relationship. And I thought, This is great. I mean, personally, I had some experience. However, I didn't have any training, I didn't even have a class on human sexuality in my graduate program.

So certainly, you know, a lot of how to work with this professionally. And yet, it felt so honored that people would be speaking to me about things that they've not spoken about with other people that were very intimate topics that made them feel very vulnerable. And I thought I need to get up to speed to really be able to meet them. So then I became a sexologist. Many years later, I became a certified sex therapist, which is a very stringent process.

So I've got all of these credentials in, you know, the human desire, generator pattern of responding of like, I wanted to respond to all of these people, because I wanted to meet them where they were calling me to go, yes, that's kind of the short version of how I became a sex therapist. And then from their goodness, what I noticed was, I was in this 25 year marriage, and one of the things that came up for me, was around my work. And I would say that I'm a sex therapist.

And what I get is, don't tell people, you're a sex therapist, that's kind of too titillating to tell them in initial production. So maybe just that you work with women who got cancer, because that's morally redeeming, and there's something of value in that that is kind of, you know, easier or palatable to talk about, I was like, Okay, and so I submitted to that. And I thought, okay, I'm not going to say I'm a sex therapist, I work with women who have cancer, and, and it becomes out, that's how I work with them that that's okay, because they know that I'm doing this morally just thing by working with women who have cancer. So that was kind of the paradigm that I was working with him.

And myself being trained as a psychodynamic therapist, where I work with clients, or was working with clients that they were a blank slate, and we had to work with transference and countertransference. And that my clients actually knew nothing about who I am, or anything about me whether I was married, or whether I had kids or any of that. And so that was part of the therapeutic relationship, which is fascinating and was fascinating. And I have this urge now, because things shifted in my marriage and dissolve.

And things shifted within me that I needed to resolve. And I needed to show up much differently in my work that I had before. And before being this blank slate was very convenient, because I could be anonymous, and I could be a mom and I can be a wife, and be all those roles. But I was not necessarily being Tara. And now all I'm really committed to is showing up 100% as Tara, and if that means that people see me differently and in a therapeutic context, then that's good. So being a coach me has been more about disclosing more of my own personal story, disclosing more about who I am and really showing up and rating the truth of who I am in this world. And in this incarnated being.

8:57
Yes. And I think one thing you said that really struck a chord with me That is something I've also been through is how do you in your work? Like we follow the rules, like you said about? Well, this is a better way to show somebody told you, this is a better way to shop you shouldn't really like even if you want it to say the other thing, like, you know, make yourself smaller, you know, we don't need to be seen like that. And it's something I think a lot of women specifically face in their work in their life. There's like these rules, we should be following those rules. And it's just not. It's not useful.

9:39
No, I mean, it was for a while. I mean, it got me here and informed everything that made me come to this place. So I honor and respect that. Do I choose to continue to do that? No, because now it doesn't serve me. No, I need to be so much bigger than who I was. Because that's smallness was self imposed and Certainly the external relationships that I was in endorse that because it was convenient for me to be smaller seemed like I was more manageable, even though I was uncomfortable, and I grew to really be comfortable and that discomfort. And now, it's not an option anymore. It's like life is so much bigger, and that I need to learn. And I am learning how to be comfortable in the vulnerability and how to be comfortable in that exposure. Like, we were talking earlier that I just wrote a book. And so even the first day of seeing that on Amazon was so exposing to me and I felt so vulnerable, like I am really being seen now in a way that I have no control over. But people will see me people will make judgments, people will evaluate not only me, but my work as well. And that's a huge stepping into the fire for me.

10:54
Totally. Yes. And I've been through that process myself, right. Like when when my son died by suicide, which actually, this isn't something I've talked about on the podcast yet, but my son died by suicide, it felt like it's something you should be ashamed of, and you should hide it. And people don't really want to hear that. But then I had this need to talk about I had this need. And then I became a grief coach, because I was like, Well, I'm sure other women need to talk about it, too. I could not find people to talk about it with this is why I went into what I went into. But this is funny, because then even that there's this restriction. Right? Okay.

Well, now you should like, you know, like grief coaches should really not charge for their services. I mean, there was so many thoughts about that. Yeah, there was a lot of rules. And like you said, self imposed, probably, but also external. If things coming in and telling you that's not the way you should be, you know, and it was really confusing, because I was trying to help people. But yet, in I couldn't do it in the way I wanted to, you know, which for me, is why I had to switch also do something different, right? To be more of me. So both of us have like a similar story, which is fascinating. Like, we want to be who we are. And that's where I totally felt so restricted at one point. And I don't know if you had this happen where there was, like, for me, there was a specific email. No, it was a Facebook message that someone had sent me when they had come to one of my Nash, I was at a national conference, and I was speaking. And they sent me a Facebook message and said, I couldn't take you seriously, I had to get up and leave because you giggled.

And I thought, wow, if I can't show up as myself, which is kind of giggly sometimes. I really enjoy life, I like to have fun. I can't be myself in this role anymore. And that was a huge shift in my mind about you know what, I don't think this is my work anymore. So was there something similar for you? Is that kind of something that happened for you? Or was there one point?

13:05
It's a hugely personal story? And really, it resolved revolved around the dissolution of my marriage? Oh, yeah, there were some issues there of deceit, and of Yeah, of lies, and double lives, and just things that I didn't know about. And then for me, understanding how that lives within my body. And so I was kind of shut down and disconnected, and not being able to tap into my own bullshit detector. And I was being fed loads of bullshit, and I couldn't discern what was true.

And now, I know that a lot of that is a trauma response. And a lot of that has to do with my personal history, and also my ancestral history, which are things that I work with when I work with women. And that I needed to go through that experience to really be able to listen to my body and what it was telling me. And when I was referencing the external relationships and who I should show up as, as a wife, I took my vows as a wife really seriously, that I was absolutely beautiful and devout to my husband to the point of I was sacrificing myself and he didn't deserve what it was that I was giving him or how I was showing up. But I didn't know that All I knew is I had this external obligation that I needed to meet.

And then the internal was being knocked over and invalidated. And, and it was a journey. And then there was a moment in my relationship where actually there was an altercation, and then there was no turning back. And it was like, Okay, I needed to move forward. I needed to understand how to move forward and where the guidance was coming from. I had a lot of support, a lot of love, a lot of friends to lean on. And when Able to cultivate the sense of listening to myself to know that this is my truth, and it may not look like anybody else's. And that 25 years into a marriage, I feel like I would have done anything to keep it. But it was not when I need it. It's like stepping into my own truth is so much more valuable to me today than the comfort, the comfort that I received from being in that relationship. So it really just kind of set me forth on this journey of how I want to show up in my own life and how I want to show up professionally, study with some amazing teachers to really kind of get to the core of that matter. So I know so much more about trauma. I know so much more about sexuality. I know so much more about pleasure and really having pleasure in the body, not just ecstatic orgasms, but really the simple pleasures of like listening to our bodies, because our bodies, especially as women are so potent, and they're always informing us, they're always telling us things. We just need to listen and shut off all the external stuff. That sometimes doesn't serve us very well.

16:06
Exactly. Yeah. So what a thank you for sharing that like that does feel like that's you're vulnerable. But that that courage, right that it takes to take those leaps, and to really listen to what's we aren't taught that as women that we could listen to ourselves, right? We're like, so busy serving our husbands and our children and our families and our church in our community. It's like, it's almost like we take on this role that our job is to serve everyone else first. And then maybe if there's some time left, we could like, Listen to what we need. So yes, this has been a huge turning point in my life, too. But it's, it's still it's really sometimes so difficult, right? Because it feels like it goes. So against the grain of what, what we've been taught,

16:54
right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, I agree, I feel we we get accolades, we get validation, when we become the caregiver in a relationship, whether it's with our spouse, or whether it's with our children or our community. Yeah, that's how we're validated. And that begins. It's such a young age for us that live and a female body. And that that's good that we know how to be relation relational. And that, when that's the only way we know how to be that it's not helpful for us, because there are so many other ways to be when we're in relationship with ourselves. And that's our primary relationship than the other relationships can be so much more fulfilling and satisfying.

17:35
I totally agree. And and it's just, it's still, when you say it, even it just sounds counterintuitive. You know, still, as we talked about, it still sounds counterintuitive. Like, wait a minute, how are relationships going to be better? If I'm good to myself first? Should I just go be good to those other people? I love that you do that work with women to help them rediscover your body, which is right what your book is that your book is called rediscover your

18:01
leader read it every my body. My body? We're doing individually. Yeah. So

18:08
how did you feel like why did you feel like becoming an author of what called to you about that.

18:15
But I have to say that my first love has always been writing, and that I imagined for a long time that that's what I would be doing. And then I got into therapy, which is great, because what I'm doing is I'm listening to other people's stories to something about the story is really rich for me. And I yeah, I love listening to stories. So being an author with kind of the next step of of telling my own story, but not so much this book is not so much about my story at all. But it's really an invitation for women to begin to understand their own story. And there's exercises and activities. Because it's a guidebook, it's really an interactive books, where I want women to have different experiences.

So they can begin to understand that listening to their bodies, not just through the ears, but it's through the felt sense of what is alive in their bodies. And that when we do that, we get so much more information on how to proceed. And that it's not just one way. So the activities are multifaceted and really give women an opportunity to try different things on and I know that's really important. So for me, being an author was bringing this work forward. But it also gives me a better platform to be a - with because I love to talk.

I also love transformation too, and that the transformation that we're able to help women achieve or experience through retreat, and for me that has been really pivotable pivotal in my own development. When I go away and I have those Aha, then the integration of that back into my life has been huge. And I I think that they were very separate for a very long time throughout most of my professional career. And now they seem very interwoven and the personal and the professional really feed each other. And that they need to. So the more that I grow as a person, the more that I'm able to provide and hold in terms of capacity for all of the women that I'm working with.

20:08
Yeah. And so you and I are both retreat leaders. And because we both feel just as passionate about that transformation that is super amazing, which if you've never experienced a retreat, it's hard to even understand what that is. But like going on retreat, getting away from your normal life and getting into a container of support with another group of women. It's super powerful. And I love that, you know, and yeah, I have been on retreat together, you know, and it's just amazing. And it builds so many amazing connections, right with other people. And I think that life is about going, I think you need other people in your life and connecting with people, a women, I think women connecting with women is such a powerful experience for me. Yeah,

20:55
that's right. Yeah, I agree. Yeah. And one thing that Darla says, Just going back to the experience of VR and retreat, the insights are kind of a dime a dozen, or maybe that's my, you know, what she says, but the integration is invaluable. And it's the one we're able to build that container and being community with other people who are committed to that transformation, then the integration is so much more effortless, and that it sticks. And then we have other people reflecting that who we know are committed to their own personal transformation. So that's why I think that the container that we're in with Darla is great. And that's the container that I aspire to create with the digital community, rediscovering my body, which is for women's, yes, I want women to know that container, not just have it off on retreat, but that they can experience it on a regular basis in their daily life through, you know, the internet, because

21:53
yeah, that's awesome. And I want to talk about that in a little bit about how people can, you know, find that your book and stuff like that. But before I talk about that, I cannot leave this conversation without touching on your human design, because I'm so fascinated about it and talking about it. And I just want so you're a three, five emotional generator, we both know that you had come in, had a reading with me, and we talked about your design. So I'm curious, when you found out about your design, like how did it help you with your life in your business? Or one or the other? Whichever. Yeah, yeah.

22:30
So I actually had learned about my design, probably about a decade ago, if not longer, I seems like you know, and I knew nothing about it. And it just seemed like another way, another person, personality type. I don't know, test her until Yeah, yeah, it doesn't seem that valuable to me. And then diving into the work with Darla coming up again, and then just reading and then having conversations with you. I feel like it's really hit home now. That as a generator, I am responding. And that even though oftentimes, I have a sense of knowing as well, because I think my What is my spleen filled in. So I have that sense of knowing that intuition.

23:15
Right. Yeah.

23:17
But it also takes me time that I have to go through the emotional wave. I need to sleep on something before I make a decision. And that has been really life changing that this year, especially this year, 2020, with so many things there. Yeah. That has been a real critical piece of knowing and like, Okay, I know. And then feeling into it, and allowing and maybe having conversations about it, and not necessarily being so impulsive, or headstrong or some other friends might say stubborn.

23:54
Yes, that emotional piece because both of both you and I have that emotional decision making authority, which for me, too, and I found out I was like, No, I was so used to making impulsive decisions. But what I know about those impulsive decisions is they weren't always the best ones because our whole world is colored by our emotional wave. Right? So it's like, we cannot trust our impulsive decision, because we have an emotional wave going on. And that for me was really life changing when I was like, okay, just slow down. It's okay. You know, you don't need to make a decision. right at this moment. Yeah, we need to like sleep on it. Like I always say sleep on it, you know? But I'm, I'm kind of impatient in general. So it's like me to have patience. I'm like, No, I'm supposed to I'm actually designed. I'm supposed to have patience. So you know, let's just take a deep breath. Right. Exactly, exactly. Take a deep breath

24:53
and love it.

24:54
And love. Yeah, so one of my favorite things about human design is there's so such a unique way We all are designed to make decisions. And you might have, you know, some intuition or a sacral a gut response, you know, but we need to know that gut response could be good for some people, but not for others. You know, you know, we hear like these overall statements, follow your gut, listen to your heart. That's actually not for everybody. It's amazing. Like, certain people should follow their gut, certain people should listen to their heart. You know, there's so it's different ways, but that's what I think is so interesting about the whole thing. And when people learn about their design, like, Oh, that sounds so much like me. It's so weird, right? They're like, really? How can you tell that just from like a birth chart, or like a, you know, from a just some chart that you're looking at? It's so crazy. Yeah.

25:44
I mean, yeah, it's been really informative. And as you and I have discussed, I, you know, love astrology, Vedic Astrology. So I know something about, about human design. And so this has really illuminated so much more about my knowledge of astrology, but also about how this is really a gift, and particularly how to work effectively with others. I know that was the course that I took with you how to work with clients, I, I'm still feeling into that, because I'm learning so much.

26:14
Huge part.

26:15
Yeah, yeah.

26:16
And it takes a while to integrate this stuff, right? It's like, that's that integration piece that we forget, like, we can learn, learn, learn, I have some clients who just they want all the knowledge, I totally understand. That's me, too. Like, I want to learn all the things, and I go down a rabbit hole, and I start learning all the things. But really, I feel like our job as coaches is to help people integrate change in their life. It's about it's not just about learning the things, I love teaching the things I really have. But I have to be careful to also allow the integration part, you know, not just the teaching, because I know you can overload people with information, which can you know, it can be helpful in to some degree. But yes, integrating is so amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your human design with us. Because I find to talk about going back to your book, like where can people find out about your book if they would want that? Or where can they find you? What's the best way?

27:15
The best way to find the book is on Amazon and it's called rediscovering my body. And my website is also called rediscovering my body and then I have a seat but they called rediscovering my body. So then look at rediscovering my body. You'll find me somewhere. Awesome. Well, thank

27:31
you so much, Tara for being here today is this was so fun to have you.

27:36
It was great. Such a pleasure. Thank you Rebecca.

27:40
If you enjoyed listening to this podcast, please check out Rebecca tervo.com forward slash design comm set up a time with me so you can discover how to use your human design to create the life you desire.