Being an Emotional Authority with Olivia Florian

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Olivia Florian is French living in Sweden recovering mechanical engineer and artist and a coach healer. She helps integrate and expand the life of her clients so they can enjoy the freedom to live fully empowered and act in alignment with their deepest, true purpose in life, feeling fully alive, and enjoy each step of their journey. She works with embodiment sensuality and creative expressions through presence, coaching, workshops, and retreats. So welcome, Olivia. Thank you for coming on.

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Yes, thank you for inviting me.

0:46
Yes. So I love what you said there about retreats and embodiment. And first of all, I want to talk about how you and I met, right, because we met through our retreat coach, who is Darla do, right? In a mastermind. And I think you were there before me. I don't

1:06
I? Yes. I've been working with Darla before, but we I jumped into group later, I

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believe.

1:13
Oh,

1:14
okay. May June, somehow.

1:17
Yeah. Oh, okay. So you came in later, just like I did. So we both maybe started at the same time. So yeah, we both started in the retreat. She called it sourced mastery, I think but it's about retreats. So we're going to be leaving source retreats is what I feel like we're both going for, right? Yes. Yeah. So as an embodiment coach for you. That's a really great avenue right to help people.

1:43
Yeah, having people in group and in person working is, is really a great place to be, of course in person is not possible right now, but and there are things possible to online but yes, really having people connecting to,

2:04
to the whole of themselves. And not only the talking part of us. Yes. And then also that leads me into the first thing, which was interesting about you is that you are a recovering engineer, or That's what you call yourself. So tell us the story of that. What does that mean, you're a recovering engineer?

2:23
It's, it's so I've been an engineer. And I've, I chose that because it was the easy way for me, in a culture that really appreciates the rational and the thing when I was singing about it, a song that I have been learning as a kid is choose a good profession and a good profession that was this this Yeah, things science. And the rationale was really important to be practical, and really do something important in life. So this notion of doing what's right is important. When I was at school to learn mathematics, it was really easy in the sense, it's black and white. And even later, when I begin to work, you have the books, the rules, the formulas. So it's quite a formal, straightforward way of being and not so much gray zone.

3:35
That's a way of living that just invites the rational mind. Yeah, obviously, I never was only a rational mind, I've also always been a very emotional being. And in this context, this had to somehow, if possible, stay at home, which didn't, I couldn't manage that. I mean, if you are a bit more aware of how emotion works, you know that the more you try to suppress them, the more powerful, they come up, and I have strong emotions. So whatever happened to try, they were there and I had this feeling of being a failure when tears came in a meeting. That's not

I think engineering is working with a lot of men. Right?

4:40
Especially mechanical engineering, and when I went to school there were 52 students. I was the only female in that. Yeah, yeah. And so I had mostly men, not only but yes men to me, and it didn't feel weird and feel Some time

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Yeah.

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And that's the way I had learned that that's value. That's how I do something in the world and I can be there with my I could be as rational as any man that that was not the problem. But at some point, it didn't, it couldn't work. And really anymore because there was, this was just here, I'm feeling bad about all these qualities and feelings, you know, splitted in different parts, letting them the mother, the loving heart at home, all these parts. There is something that takes so much energy. About 10 years ago, I went through depression and went through a lot of things changing in my life, not understanding the heaviness that I felt. I on a weekend with my best friend then. And I explained to her how I was working, how I was doing my best, how. But by the end of the day, really feeling like, I'm so drained. I'm not even proud of my work. Yeah, I'll do my best and my friend just, well, you might not do, then you're not doing your best. strapping the face like I just told you. I'm doing my best.

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Yeah.

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And then slowly trickled down like, well, I'm doing my best in that environment in that frame of engineering in this corporate world, where with a set of values, but that's not my best. That's not at this point of life. That wasn't any more my best, man. Yeah. out. There was something more that was calling. And it's open to a new journey.

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Yeah. And I totally can relate because I was an accountant. Right. And in the accounting world, there's not like a lot of room for creativity and emotion. It's like, here's the numbers. It's black and white. Here's some rules to follow. Right? Here's a schedule. It was very, yeah, it's very masculine, oriented, oriented, a very scheduled way to work. You know, and there isn't like you're not at, yes. When you hear about creative accounting, it's usually not a good thing. You know, you that's not something we should strive to be as accountants as creative with the books, right? So I can totally relate that. It's like you feel you're not really living this. You're not letting this other part through. And having emotions at work? Yeah. That.

8:06
Yeah, for me, the most massive part that was obvious for years was really this emotional part of me. Yeah. Because I've always felt from my environment that this is not okay.

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Yeah.

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Being and had this ideal picture of the male who was strong cold. Yeah. all put together. Yeah. And I couldn't be that. I could. Yes. And there is so much energy going into trying to not be that why, especially when I have this really high and low low, so it's really, yeah, impossible. They come out.

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Yeah. Even emotional. You're an emotional generator, right? Yeah. Okay. So yes, both of us have that emotional wave that we ride waves.

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And even through human design, what was like, affirming to me was one of the gates about the emotion that says just that, this high, high and low. Yes, motion so that I feel blocked. I feel it in a range that is quite big, and hearing that, okay, there's nothing wrong with me.

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There's nothing wrong. It's okay.

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It's just the way it is. It's not something I have to fight against. It's more something. How do I live with them?

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Yeah,

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can I minimize that? Now if I can minimize the impact on my well being but I can, but I don't need to try to you know, shut it down, making more money. But

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yes, I mean, that's something I think you and I share in common is I spent a lot of my life trying to keep a lid on my emotions. And I used to think of myself, I'm just too emotional. Why am I so emotional? Like all the questions I had for myself. And it's like, and I would like to put that in a box, and then I'd go to work in a professional environment. And it seemed all fine until my son died. And then I was in a professional environment, and I could not keep my emotions in a box anymore. It just was impossible. And so, but when I learned about my human design, and my emotional wave, it all made it okay. Like, oh, you know, this is why it felt so terrible, right? We're trying to keep a lid on something. That's actually a part of who we are. It needs to come into our everyday life, it needs to be acceptable. Yeah, it needs to be okay.

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And the fun fact is half of the population is emotional. In this way, there is a relation trying to be something more. Yeah, we are. And I leave that to anyone. Emotions are signals. We are not

11:17
Yes. So

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emotional intelligence in our culture. And that's something I've also added.

11:24
Yeah. for bringing more of, yeah. And I don't know about you. So you live in Sweden. I thought that was interesting. Because I am of a Finnish heritage, both my husband and I are Finnish heritage. And we come from a community of, you know, Finland is you think of them as really staunch. And really, I don't know if Sweden is sort of like that, too. It's very, you know, it's not emotional. Like, we're okay. We're proud. And,

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you know, the moon, off you go, and in any country, so there is in countries in North, people are more

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interesting.

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So yeah,

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yeah. So I think that's interesting to think about, when you think about you're around a community of people who are just really, you know, we're, we don't need to show our emotions, right. We're okay, everything is fine. And that's kind of how I grew up. It's all good. We're all fine. Really, my

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father was on one, you know, who represented this emotional stability. It was the pillar of the family. Bringing the food and bringing stability emotionally. And it was only in later years, where I understood how much of a burden it has been because he had no access or no permission to access anything. Oh,

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I love that we all have permission to feel emotions. And so the thing I want to say is we like to judge so hard, like, we think there's something wrong and something to be fixed, at least I did, for much of my life. Like what is wrong? Like, why am I feeling like this? Like there's something wrong with it? But really, what if there isn't anything wrong with it, right? But if it's okay, you just allow the emotion. There's nothing wrong.

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I'm afraid. It's still ongoing learning. Although I know so much. I catch myself so many times when I have a huge wave of emotions with tears. Oh, I need to, I need to get my stuff back. I cannot come and talk to you.

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Yeah.

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And they really helped and said, Hey, I'm in the midst of this and then I can relax because I'm not trying to fix it. And then it is Yes. find its way.

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Yeah. And part of that. For me like you both you and I would be called emotional authorities. Right? So what I've learned through human design is emotional authority is about teaching people about emotion. So actually, it's my job to inform people around me that hey, I'm at a low today. And this has helped me so much because I still have a husband and a daughter who live with me. And when I'm in a low, it's important for me to let them know, hey, by the way, I'm in a low right now and I think I'm probably going to go spend some time with myself. Right? It's about nurturing and allowing it to be okay to nurture yourself and allowing it to be okay that they know that I'm feeling this emotion.

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Okay, it's such a good one that we can give because when we believe we hide our emotions, yeah, inevitably they are all over the place. I have a son who is a projector who is really reserved.

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Yes, I'm so funny that

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I tell each time I feel my energy. My emotional energy is not quiet. I'm telling him. So they know that he has words so that they can then relax knowing that that's my stuff going on. And he confirms me each time. That

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Yeah, cuz he's amplifying it right.

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And it feels so it's easier. It's really a real gift that we give to others when we name and can say, Hey, I'm in that state right now.

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It is I think it takes the discomfort out

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of them, fix it, they don't need to deal with it in that uncertain place. So yeah, when I put words I give him permission also to know that, okay. It doesn't seem as catastrophic as it sounds when we try to repress it.

15:59
Like, it's all good. So how does creativity come into this story then? Because now I feel like your code, your coaching has gone to this creative place. Right? And

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one entrance at some point. In my journey, I went, I was working with a therapist. And as I said, I've been living with that unethical mind, and it has been my defense system. When I was feeling too much. I went into rationalizing, I went into not feeling too much trying not feeling too much of my body, talking myself out of it, right. Yeah.

And so when I was in therapy, there was one day my therapist could really feel I was stubbornly saying, Yeah, well, I need to stretch up, I need to be big. So at some point, she gave me a paper and I chose a color and I wrote it down. So in my big, I should be big, I took a big paper, and then looked at the colors and I took black and began with the small dots.

And then I stopped and there was nothing more I could feel in my Oh, there is nothing more. So I had my big paper, but nothing more. And I stayed there and felt like yeah, that's so that's so. Okay. Well, and they could come down.

And then after a while, I could feel it. Oh, yes. And there is a layer of warmth here and a layer of life here. And just a few. And it was not very artistic. But it just let me come in. Instead of being here. I should be strong, big and power through. I could feel okay, now.

It's just that time I need to go. I am small right now. It's okay. Yeah. And it was essentially an experience that I just called, I fetch, colors. And I began to draw much more again, and for the joy of it, knowing that Oh, that's a wonderful way for me to come out of this idea of how I should be and, and feel myself more again. So that was my serious entrance to it.

And in the past two years, when I began to work with our business coach, and I was still working on my business model. And I wanted to give more space to my creativity. And there was a point I could feel more constriction when I was like, Oh, so much expectation on what I was going to paint to work, to, to lose enough.

And then I remember an event where there was somebody painting, and I thought, where I felt this childlike feeling of, Oh, I'm doing something I'm not meant to do to write on my skin. And remember the choice.

I could try that. And it began to be a journey of sort of that body painting, I could just let my inner child be there and connect to so much more of myself. So I'm seeing it as a tool. So yeah, the more this and this has opened me to. I knew that I loved drawing that I've always been loving it, but it's always been something.

It's just hopefully the mindset. My seriousness. Shadow was really picking up that it was realizing No, you know what?

The therapist, the joy and the creativity and how it opens me to more accessing my higher self, because then poetry went through when I was doing this body painting. So it's, this is a portal, I need to bring that more in. And I could access that, okay, this artist has a place she's here, and there is no reason for her to be hidden or called, like, unimportant. So that's what's so how does

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that come into the work now that you do with clients this creativity? Like what is that you help your clients with?

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Yeah, one part is just, it's with me, but it's one of the tools when just when, when we are working with something, at some points, we can just unpack the story with a drawing. So not from the mind telling the story, but just putting it down. So really accessing something else? That's one of the aspects really, of letting see what comes down on the paper and being that inner journey or inner conversation that happens? See, feeling what where is the construction? Where is the liberation? Is it easy to put up a link for? Or is it very?

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Yeah,

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there is a judgment of so it's, it's just so eye opening to Yeah, listen and have someone to to to share what's happening in you when you are trying to express through that media.

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So it sounds like you are helping people through the journey you've already been through, which is from your mind? Just working in your mind?

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Because it's something that we are in the West culture, so much ingrained in following the rational mind and masculine energy. So coming back to the whole of us. Yeah. So and, and finding, you know, the backdoor to this defense mechanism for not feeling for not accessing these painful places, because it's been hurtful to shut all these things down. So having an under entrance, of course, my other entrance is also being in the body. So connecting with movement with, with touch to our own bodies to being in the present. Yeah, my doorways yesterday, tomorrow. Yeah. And what will happen, but not never here.

22:52
Why not such important work, right? It's really important work. And so many of us come to that work in different aspects. And you come kind of through a creative, one of those. That's the way you come to work, which is so cool. And before we wrap this up, I just want to revisit this Human Design thing, because I know when I first started with Darla, I think you were the one that I felt was most familiar with human design. So where did you learn about human design?

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I started learning to learn two years ago, getting a reading from data and then there were really things that were clicking into place. And then I began to, to study in depth because it was just fascinating how it touched me. In one retreat, she gave us our life theme that So okay, to the four main gates. Yeah.

23:55
I feel like the Incarnation cross, right.

23:58
Yeah, okay, exactly. And, for me, it was the vessel of love, and it was so touching, there was something so important for me to get connected to, in reading that. So recognizing and seeing also the wounded part around that because being the vessel of love, it's the love of the journey, the love of the body, and really bringing people so that it was so telling about my why. Yeah, this sense of that. People want differences. They just need reassurance that there is nothing wrong with that difference that this this, this difference are just gifts to be an act. Yeah. So just feeling that was one of the openers, and also, you know, that self acceptance that you gave me So, oh, I need emotional I, I'm not meant to give answers and make decisions in the moment. Oh, I don't need to push myself to try to get clarity here now. It's Yeah.

25:13
So interesting.

25:16
So just allowing myself to guess how I am and there is nothing wrong. That's the way it's meant to be. Yeah, relaxing layers after layers through that was really?

25:29
Yeah, I think human design has so many parts of it that allow us to be fully seen and heard. Like, that's what I think it's like a great tool of awareness, to bring people back to themselves like, Oh, that is totally me. It feels so good. And so I think that allowance to be ourselves or that permission to be ourselves. That's what opens up the rest of our life to us, right? Actually,

25:56
the main work that is whatever client is coming for, what is wanting to emerge is parts of us that we don't know what to do is done, we believe there, they need to change. And when we can integrate that and see, own that and say, hey, that's what that's the way I am. I love it. I know and love

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it.

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Even related to human design, there are jinkies and we were talking about this, and my main jinky is the shadow is seriousness and there's like, No way of taking life so seriously, and how it Yeah, yeah.

26:47
And allowing us to see and accept those shadows about ourselves and knowing that's okay, too, because that's actually part of the path that we're on. Right. It's like accepting those shadows, makes it

27:01
makes the shift because then suddenly, I'm not any longer in the heaviness of this area. Yes, I'm so serious. Yeah. I'm serious. I can just play.

27:15
Yes, I know. I just love that I could talk about human design for so many hours. But anyways, for this episode, before we end, I was curious if you could tell us where people could find you. If they're interested in what you do or what work you're doing right now? Where could they find them?

27:31
So they can find me on my webpage? That is Olivia? florian.com. Okay. Um, that's on the main page, you'll find my services and one way to connect I have currently Creative Conversations. It's a zone call in my Facebook community, where we take up topics for what it takes for being more fully alive and different aspects. So we exchange, we explore a very open space where there is no expectation to do it right or there is no right or wrong. It's really an exploration of what, what does this mean? How can we open to more?

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It's called Fully Alive with Olivia and in this community we have the Creative Conversations.

28:32
It's all there. Okay, so in the show notes, I will put the website so that everybody can go check that out. So, thank you so much, Olivia. Thanks for being here with me. It was super fun.