Silence, Shame and Invisibility with Gayle Nowak

Rebecca Tervo: I am so excited today to be having a conversation with my friend and fellow mastermind sister, Gayle Nowack. She says that, "When you dare to listen to your wounded heart, you begin to heal and free yourself from the pain, fear, and false beliefs keeping you stuck in your business." Gayle is a transformational retreat leader and founder of the Story Stylist, an award-winning expert positioning consultancy for speakers, authors and mission led entrepreneurs.
Rebecca Tervo: Welcome to Beautifully Bloomed, the podcast where we explore how to break you out of the box of rules and beliefs that are holding you back from the life you're meant to live. I'm your host, Rebecca Tervo. Join me as I share mindset tools, coaching conversations, and human design, to help you uncover your unique gifts and create the life, relationships, and business you desire.
Rebecca Tervo: Welcome, Gayle. I'm so excited to have you on my podcast.
Gayle Nowack: I am so excited to be here! Yay.
Rebecca Tervo: Woohoo. Go manifesting generators.
Gayle Nowack: That's right.
Rebecca Tervo: No, first of all, before we get started, I just wanted to talk about how we know each other. When did we meet? When was the first time you remember us meeting?
Gayle Nowack: We met, I think it's been a year or maybe just over a year. We're in the Sourced Experience Mastery Group, and we've been on that journey together for the last year. It's been really fun and really deep. I have to say, being a part of that group and getting to know you, and getting to know our other source sisters, it's been a really interesting experience, because I feel like we're creating these new connections in adulthood that I think are going to carry on long after this program is over, which it's starting to wrap up this month. So, I'm really excited that you and I have been able to connect within that group, but also outside of that group too and start talking about collaborating together. You and I did a Mind shift session together, which was really cool. Yeah, it's just been really great getting to know you over the last year.
Rebecca Tervo: I know, I remember at the beginning wondering who you were, because your Facebook name isn't your name, and so I kept forgetting your name. I'm like, wait, what was her name again? Because I felt a little bit disconnected. There was a couple people I clicked with right away and you weren't one of those people. I felt a little bit distant, and then when we did connect, we found out we can click really well. I just love when that happens. It's like this delightful new friendship or something.
Gayle Nowack: I know, I know. It's so funny, because I had gotten off of Facebook before this program, but of course, a lot of people use Facebook for the group forums. I had this just random pseudonym that I made up, so it totally makes sense that you would be like, wait, who are you?
Rebecca Tervo: It just threw me off. It was like, what? Scarlet? You know what I mean? I just couldn't figure it out. But yeah, I'm like, I totally get it. Some people literally just get off Facebook. I'm just not there yet, but there's some useful things about it. But so yes, Darla's group and I just love the connection all of us have made. We've talked about doing retreats together, or even actually doing working retreats together, not leading retreats together, but just even getting together as a group afterwards. I love all the thoughts of that and how we can form such deep connections in these containers. That's what I love about coaching containers.
Rebecca Tervo: You and I both work as coaches. We lead containers, and I feel like that's why they're so important to be part of and have other people be part of them, because they help us with transformation. They help us with deeper understanding of ourselves. It's just been an amazing experience, really.
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, it really has. You're right, whether it's you and your coach or you and your coaching group, there's just something about being in that kind of container, where you feel seen, you feel heard, you feel validated, to help you, once you've made that commitment to transformation to really help you through that journey, because it is a journey. No doubt about it, it's a journey. That's part of what we've been doing together too, is going through our own transformations and then also learning how to hold the container for our clients to have those transformations. So, it's been really exciting.
Rebecca Tervo: Yeah, it's just another way to get in touch with our inner voice. I feel like that's what we've been working on this year, is how do you get in touch with your inner voice and how do you allow that to help transform with your clients too? How do you build your business according to what you really want? Not what someone else said you should have. So, it's just such a foreign concept for me, even a couple of years ago. Oh, what do I want? Wait a minute, what?
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, me too, me too. Not just in business, in all aspects.
Rebecca Tervo: Yeah, all aspects. I'm curious, where did your journey begin into becoming a coach? Because I know you've had this background of being a marketer somehow. Well, tell us what that story is, you were a marketer, now are you a coach? What is that about?
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, so my professional background, I started out as a journalist, and then I ended up in the marketing department of an engineering firm, and then I went to a PR and advertising agency and I was a PR executive. Even before my professional career started, I had been working for newspapers as a freelancer in high school and in college, so words were my thing. From a very early age, pretty much I think I showed up on this planet as a born communicator. I'm a Gemini, so you know.
Rebecca Tervo: Oh, me too!
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, oh, that's great! I remember, we talked about that.
Rebecca Tervo: Two Geminis, wow. [inaudible 00:06:49] generators. Wait, well hopefully this isn't going to take two hours to get through our conversation.
Gayle Nowack: I know, right? Yeah, so that was my professional background. I had actually been working at my dream job, the PR agency, for about seven or eight years. I know that there's a lot of people who have a very different story about being in corporate, and it was soul sucking. I had had that experience in the news industry, but I was actually in my dream job. I was working at this boutique PR and ad agency, my bosses were amazing, my coworkers were amazing. We worked out of their mansion on the ocean, it was incredible. They took us on all these really great trips, and we stayed at the best hotels when we traveled for work, and they brought us to nice restaurants. It was amazing.
Gayle Nowack: I realized that, although I would say my dream job, I actually wasn't going after my dream, which was to have my own business. I had known since college that I wanted to have my own business. I just didn't know what that was going to be. Now that I know my human design, that actually makes a lot more sense to me, because I think what I needed to have happen, was to go out and experience the world, and have some experiences, and try some things on before I could actually figure out what I wanted to focus on in my business. That's exactly what I did. I think that's the line-
Rebecca Tervo: Line three, right?
Gayle Nowack: Oh, line three? Yeah.
Rebecca Tervo: Yeah, that line three energy of, hey, let's go try it out. Let's try some things out, see what works, yeah.
Gayle Nowack: Right, right, yeah. So, in 2013, I left my dream job, I started my business. I was focusing on story, in particular, for coaches, consultants, healers, because number one, I'd been in the business of stories my entire career as a journalist and then also as a marketer in pitching stories to the media. So, it was still stories, but the entrepreneurial piece was the different aspect of it. Yeah, that's how I got started. Then what happened is, I realized a couple years into my business, that I didn't quite get it then, looking back at it now, and it was like, my business became a mirror for my healing.
Rebecca Tervo: Yes, one of my other guests said business is a healing, I don't remember how she put it, but it was something about business and healing. I'm like, oh, totally makes sense.
Gayle Nowack: Right, right. Yeah, and today, I very firmly believe that the business journey is a healing journey if you're open to that. It will be a healing journey no matter what, it's just, are you going to go kicking and screaming or are you actually going to take that journey? A couple of years into my business, I felt like I wasn't where I was supposed to be. I wasn't really happy with my results. I actually got clients right away, and story tones were hot at that time. I mean, it still is, but it was really, really coming into being known and being really hot and really sexy.
Gayle Nowack: So, it was easy in the beginning for me to get clients, but then a couple years in, what was going on, is that I was really investing in getting my business off the ground. I had gone through $20,000 of my savings, and I had $14,000 of credit card debt. It freaked me out because I'm naturally a saver. I also didn't realize, I didn't know then what I know now about money, energy. Money circulates, it's called circulation for a reason, money goes out, money comes in. I was really in this anxious, fearful place, which actually was a blessing in disguise, because what was going on, is that even though I thought I was doing everything I should do to make my business work, my business wasn't working for me. Deep down, I knew that there actually was one thing I hadn't done. It was also the one thing I didn't want to do.
Rebecca Tervo: Really? What is the one thing?
Gayle Nowack: The one thing that I hadn't done and didn't want to do, was to share my own personal story of why I wanted to help other entrepreneurs be seen, and be visible, and be heard. I was telling stories and I was trying on stories, because I was avoiding this other story that I knew I needed to tell, but I didn't quite get how it was relevant. Then there was this thing going on in my business that was like, okay, I'm spending way more money than I'm making. It just got to this-
Rebecca Tervo: Yeah, what's that about?
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, what's that about? It really wasn't until I started sharing this story about my sexual abuse as a child, that I started to really understand that my clients were also navigating around silence, shame, and invisibility in their own business. All of the pieces started to make sense. This was a huge piece of healing and transformation that was coming up for me through my business.
Gayle Nowack: The really interesting thing, Rebecca, is that clients would come to me and they would share really deep things with me. They would say things like, "I've never told anybody about before." So, even though I wasn't talking about this stuff as openly, somehow they were connecting to the energetic of it and they felt safe sharing it with me. Then they would come out of our story sessions feeling so much better, so much lighter. So, that healing piece was happening organically, but I was just all about marketing, and communication, and your story, and the strategy.
Rebecca Tervo: You were on the masculine side of-
Gayle Nowack: I was way on the masculine side. Yes, I am a recovering overachiever, overfunctioner, very much comfortable in my masculine energy. So, anyway, I decided to share this story, because I was like, well, I don't know what else to do. So, let's give it a try, let's see what happens. But it was terrifying, because I was really afraid that I might offend somebody. It was a lot of the old energetic from my childhood, because what had happened in my childhood, is that I didn't tell anybody about it for a long time because I was afraid that I was going to hurt people. I was only a kid, I was afraid I was going to hurt people. I was afraid people were going to get in trouble. I was afraid of being taken away from my family. It was this whole vibe of, telling the truth hurts.
Gayle Nowack: Then when I finally did share that truth, all the things that I was worried about happening didn't happen at all. Basically nothing happened at all. My family's response was to get me a phone.
Rebecca Tervo: Okay, that's an interesting response.
Gayle Nowack: Yep, it is an interesting response. Then basically, everything went back to as if I hadn't said anything at all. Yeah, so for me at that time, because of that, the way I processed it, was that my truth didn't matter, my story didn't matter, and basically I didn't matter.
Rebecca Tervo: Yeah, what else could you think, right?
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, right, like nobody's responding to this, nobody's doing anything about this, so I guess it doesn't matter. Fast forward 25 years, I had carried all of that pain, all of that energy, all of the defense mechanisms into my business.
Rebecca Tervo: Of course. Yeah, you came up with a survival mode. You learned, this is how it works to keep me safe.
Gayle Nowack: Right, exactly. Yeah, and so I really had to get comfortable with those uncomfortable parts of myself in order to even be able to tell this story. The first time I came out with it, I shared it in an email campaign. I had made like $14 or something like that, which is a real kick in the gut, because I had had $0 months, but there was something about this $14 that was like, ha ha, you can make money, but it's only going to be $14.
Rebecca Tervo: $14, is that like a book?
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, it was like a checklist or something. Oh no, it was like two $7 products.
Rebecca Tervo: No, I know how online business is. You can have all these low end products. Yeah, so interesting.
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, so I was just like, what? I was like, fine, I will do it. I was really mad at the universe. So, mad and terrified, but somehow, I managed to muster up the courage to do it. Within three weeks of sending out that email campaign, I had signed on three new clients and had made over $7,800 in sales, which was the most I had made in my business ever at that time.
Rebecca Tervo: Isn't that interesting? When we can be authentic, like authentically us, it's really powerful.
Gayle Nowack: It was mind blowing. To be honest, I didn't even believe it at first. I was like, this is a fluke. Yeah, maybe you can relate to that, when you're like, wait, did that really work?
Rebecca Tervo: I'm not sure, is this how it goes? Yeah, I totally get it, yeah.
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, but the thing is, that was six years ago. This last year, I've been in transition, but from that point on, my business just continued to grow steadily. Then I was more forthcoming with that and more forthcoming with the fact that this type of work, especially for coaches and consultants, people who are the face of their brand, it's going to bring up your stuff and you're going to need to heal it. But I still hadn't necessarily lead with that. So, this past year of transition with really studying transformation, going through my own transformation, now I really work with my clients to own their stories for good, so that they can really, authentically step out, be visible, be fully themselves and speak their truth.
Rebecca Tervo: Yeah, it's just freedom to be able to speak your truth. Don't you agree? Did you feel a sense of freedom after you sent that?
Gayle Nowack: Oh my God, yeah.
Rebecca Tervo: Like nothing bad happened, I sent the email.
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, not only did nothing bad happen, but really great things happened. Really great things opened up. It was, it was a huge sense of relief.
Rebecca Tervo: Yeah, and there's this stuff in human design, where I think of it as attraction marketing in a way, because there's a spot... I would be curious, and I don't remember where your moon is. Where your moon is in your human design chart might be really fascinating in the story that you just told, because it's like, where we need to be nurtured, is also where our clients, we can feel empathetic towards them in that way, and so I'd be curious. But even if you don't realize what that stuff is, people come to you because somehow they feel that.
Gayle Nowack: They just feel it.
Rebecca Tervo: Yes, there's an energetic click there, which I just think that's so fascinating that there's this energetic click, but sometimes we don't even know what the energetic click is. I just love that. Thank you for sharing that story. It reminded me, as you were talking, that story I have too, about losing my son. All of a sudden, when you open up about that, all of a sudden everybody's telling you all their stuff. You don't even ask, but somehow they just feel comfortable. It's interesting. They'll tell you all the things. I don't know how many times I've had people just who end up in the same groups I'm in that have had the same experience as me. It has happened so many times. We're always like, wow, like that's weird, but maybe not. Maybe it's not weird, it's how life-
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, no. Just to put my marketing hat on here for a minute, there's a reason why people will say use story so that you can connect with your audience. It is that [inaudible 00:21:48] and trust factor. Also, it really truly has to be authentic, because people are really good at knowing the difference between you telling a story in order to get them to buy something, and knowing that you're telling a story to share yourself with them.
Rebecca Tervo: Yeah, there's that bullshit detector a lot of us have. It's like, eh, that doesn't even sound good. There's something energetically off about it, and you can really detect that. Yeah, I get that. So now, what are you transitioning to then? The Story Stylist was one part. I know that that's what you called yourself.
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, and I'll be changing that name soon, because I am changing, sort of. The marketing and visibility is always going to be a piece of my work, I just can't not stop myself. Maybe this has happened to you, maybe this has happened to some of your listeners, but when you have this desire, this pull to show up fully in your message, and it comes that time where you have to get your face and your voice out there. Suddenly you're like, oh, you put on the brakes. Kind of like in my story that I just shared, it was like, I know what I need to do, but I really don't want to do it, so you don't book the speaking gigs, you don't do interviews like this, maybe you're writing a book and you're procrastinating. Whatever it is that you are working on to make yourself visible. Well, what was true in my own experience and what I found to be true with my clients, is that when this shows up, it's typically the result of a visibility wound, or what I call a wounded heart, which that was the case for me. I was very emotionally shut down. I had built up all these walls around my heart.
Gayle Nowack: So, I work with entrepreneurs, coaches, consultants, specifically who have a big mission focused on guiding humanity into this new awakened and conscious world. Most of them would also consider themselves, they're already successful, and yet every time they up-level their business, the stuff comes up. Many of them would refer to themselves as light workers, or healers, or starseeds, twin flames. Most often, my clients in particular, but I've actually studied this too and I've read about this, most light workers and starseeds in twin flames, in particular, have experienced really difficult childhoods. That is the root of their visibility, and it manifests as an emotional and energetic block, definitely in their heart chakra, often in their throat chakra. If they've had some sort of life-threatening trauma, or if they've had abuse, oftentimes that manifests in their root, in their sacral chakra as well.
Gayle Nowack: So, you could have the best marketing strategy and the greatest message in the world, but if that energy isn't flowing, and it's blocked, and you've got these wounds, that's always going to come in and override it. So, I guide my clients through the inner work and the self-healing so that they can shift and release that, those wounds, first, and then we work on the visibility piece. That's where my clients are able to draw upon my twenty-five years of messaging and branding and positioning.
Rebecca Tervo: Awesome, that sounds amazing.
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, it's awesome. I love it.
Rebecca Tervo: Yeah, and it sounds like you even have a different energy about when you talk about that, versus even though you enjoyed your job and even the stuff you were doing before, it felt deeper somehow when you started talking about this new work. So yeah, it's very much needed. You were talking about the chakras, and of course, that always takes me back to human design, like, yeah, there's the centers. I was thinking about the heart center when you were talking about the heart, and I'm thinking about the throat and the root, and I was just connecting them all together as you were talking, like, oh, how would that be? Yeah, but because I got there in my head, I'm just curious, when you learned that you were an emotional manifesting generator, both of us are emotional manifesting generators, but how did that help you in your life and your business? What happened?
Gayle Nowack: Oh my gosh, this was a huge game changer for me, because I had actually gotten my free chart a couple of years ago. It was like, oh yeah, that's interesting, but it didn't sink in. So, I started to understand it a little bit better in our mastery group, and then you really helped me on understand it on an even deeper level. But for me, the emotional piece for me, when you had said, I think it was in our first conversation, you were talking about, or maybe it was-
Rebecca Tervo: I don't know.
Gayle Nowack: I don't remember, but this was before we did our session together on my chart. You had said something like, I need to take 24 hours before making a decision. I was like, oh, what's that about? My spidey senses went up, and I was like, oh, I'm listening. Because what would happen for me, is that when something was a yes, I knew it was a yes. There was no hesitation. When something was a no, I knew it was a no and there was no hesitation. I didn't have problems saying no, I know for some people it's hard for them to say no, but if I knew in my body it was a no, then I would just say, no thanks. It was the maybe that would trip me up. I think that it's not just my emotional authority, you can correct me on this, but I think it's that line one or line three that plays into it, because I'm curious, I like to learn things. I like to experience things-
Rebecca Tervo: The one is research, so the one plays into it, you're right. You want more information and sometimes, you need the [inaudible 00:28:37], it gives us space as emotional authorities. It gives us the space to find out more.
Gayle Nowack: The maybes would often be a yes at first, and then it would be time to actually show up for that yes, and I'd be like, ah, I really don't want to do this now. It wasn't every time-
Rebecca Tervo: Yes, that's that emotional wave, right? You're in the high, like, yeah! The next morning you wake up, you're like, why did I say I would do? I've had that same experience.
Gayle Nowack: So, just knowing like, oh, it's okay for me to just say, you know what? I need to think about that, or I need to tune into that. I did that recently too. I was like, you know what? I had an invitation to collaborate with someone, and I was like, this sounds like a great idea, it sounds really exciting, and I need to think about it. Ultimately, it was a no.
Rebecca Tervo: I need to feel into it. I often say, because we are very emotional beings, those of us with the emotional center, it's like, I need to really feel into it. Does it feel right? I use that even in my head, like, does it feel good to me? I know I'm not going to give you an answer right now, but then I continue to ask myself, how does it feel today? Because it feels different depending on where you are in that emotional wave, it's really a fascinating study in emotions and how they work, because I can be all into it. That day one, I could be, woohoo, I'm going to like invest $5,000 in this retreat and go to Bali! Then the next day, I'm like, oh my gosh, how much time is it going to take to travel? Now you start thinking. Right? Your total emotions take over.
Gayle Nowack: That's exactly where my brain would go to, how am I going to do this? It sounded good at the time.
Rebecca Tervo: That's my most recent decision through my emotional wave was, do I want to go on this retreat in Bali? It ended up being a no. Of course everybody who would think this is a great idea, but me riding out my wave, it wasn't for me at the time. I'm like, maybe some other time, but I've allowed myself now to lean into my own knowing, which is really new for me. I mean, newer. In my life, that wasn't a thing before, but now it is, this is a new thing to lean into what do you really want? I feel like our emotional wave is really wise, our emotions are wise. If we would learn into them and allow them to give us clues, it can be really great. Because then even while you're waiting it out, if the person you're waiting it out with is impatient, it's probably just not the right timing. Sometimes that's how the decision gets made. If you're going to pressure me, I just can't do it. It's not going to work out. I love that. I'm like, the right opportunities will show up. So, thank you for that little short discussion about our emotional wave, because I love it. But tell us, where can people find you if they're interested in your program or what you're up to?
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, you can find me at thestorystylist.com, or gaylenowak.com, G-A-Y-L-E-N-O-W-A-k.com. I actually have a gift for your audience.
Rebecca Tervo: I'll put it in the show notes too, but tell us what it is.
Gayle Nowack: Yeah, so if you're wanting to feel more connected, if you want to be more emotionally available for your business, more openhearted for your business.,I have an assessment. It's called Talk to your Heart. It's a downloadable PDF with an embedded link to a guided meditation to actually help you drop into your heart. I know that probably a lot of your listeners are already heart-centered anyway, but even if you've got a pretty open heart, it can be easy to get up in your head with the day to day. So, you can drop into your heart space and then go through the evaluation, which looks at several areas of your life, including your business, but how we show up in one place is how we show up in other places. Really, it's a tool to help you see what's working, what's not working, and what's most calling for transformation right now in your business and your personal life, whatever speaks to your heart as you go through that assessment. That's available at thestorystylist.com/beautifully-bloomed. Yeah, and then I'm on Instagram @thestorystylist and YouTube and LinkedIn at Gayle Nowak.
Rebecca Tervo: Thank you. Well, this has been a really fun conversation, Gayle. Thank you so much for sharing with us today.
Gayle Nowack: Thank you for having me.
Rebecca Tervo: If you enjoy listening to this podcast, please go subscribe so that you get notified of all the future goodies that are coming along. While you're there, please leave me a review and let me know what you think. So excited to share this with you and can't wait to talk to you next time. Bye.