First, you may think that this isn't a thing. How can we really “control” our emotions?
Especially when we've lost a child to suicide, and our inner world seems as out of control as our outer world?
This came to mind as I've talked to several Moms on calls lately (if you haven't signed up for your FREE CALL….here's where to do it), that have said they'd like to be in control of their emotions.
Why do we want to control our emotions?
Mostly, it's because of the fear of what we think other people will think. Or, we are sure we must be going crazy.
I remember the days when I would cry at the drop of a hat.
- I'd be in a work meeting that included the President of the University, and feel the emotion quickly rising like someone was filling me up with water…and I felt so uncomfortable with the thought that pretty soon I'd be spewing anger and tears everywhere.
- Or I'd be sitting at my desk and feeling the need to curl up in a ball in the corner of my office and cry my heart out. And YES….I literally did curl up in the corner of my office more than once.
- At home, I remember lying in my son's room, on his bed, holding his stuffed gorilla tightly to my chest and sobbing so hard that I couldn't imagine that this pain was coming from inside of me.
Those were just a few of the times I remember that my emotions seemed uncontrollable.
Here's some things I learned once I hired a coach and started getting help on how to handle my emotions.
1. Emotions are not “BAD”. However, I was making them seem bad because of the uncomfortable feeling I had that people would think I was crazy if and when I expressed them.
2. Emotions are normal, and need to be processed. The more I tried to push them away and pretend they weren't there….the more times they would just spout out all over the place in a big, ugly, “embarrassing” way.
3. Processing emotion on a daily basis (especially when they've been ignored for so long) is one of the best skills I could ever learn for moving forward in my life. Once I was making time for my feelings, and examining what they were about and the thoughts that were connected to them….then I was able to find compassion for myself and really learn how to deal moving forward.
Question is, how do you process your emotion in a deliberate way so you feel you have more control?
For me, here was the answer:
1. Allow time for the feelings. Allow crying, anger, sadness, depression. These are just feelings in your body that need to be acknowledged. You don't need to do anything to react to them. Just notice and allow them. It's OK. And a normal part of the process. Sitting with them at home, or in the car, and really thinking about how they feel is the way to process them. Or talking them out with someone who is able to just listen.
2. Be OK with showing emotion even when you think “I shouldn't be crying right now”. This means getting over the need to make other people feel comfortable around you at all times. What they think about your tears really doesn't have anything to do with you.
3. I learned that the more I allowed my emotion, felt it, was compassionate with myself, kept time for it…..the less emotional I became in public situations. I just had to have the time each day to allow the feelings.
I don't know if the sudden tears will ever fully leave my life, and that's OK.
I actually have always been an emotional person. I cry at everyone's wedding, my own wedding, graduation ceremonies, funerals, national anthems at sporting events, musicals, movies, Youtube videos.
I used to feel really embarrassed by all these tears.
However, what's life without emotion? Emotion shows that I'm touched deeply in some way. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with me.
Even though I know I'll tear up at a graduation ceremony, I still choose to go.
Even when I am touched by someone's wedding service, I still want to be a part of it. Even when I sit and cry over Youtube videos that touch my heart, I still watch more Youtube videos.
I've decided I'm normal. And I cry.
My tears for Trevor mean I loved him very much. Life is so much sweeter when we feel the pain, but also feel the joy. Without the knowing of the pain, I'd not know what the joy feels like.
I now have plenty of joy in my life. And, it lives right alongside the moments of sadness and tears. I choose to embrace all of it. That's how I make room for and live with my emotions.
It's up to you how you choose to live with yours.
If you want to do this work with me…..learn how to live with and process your emotions, setup a time to get on the phone with me here: CLICK HERE AND SEND ME A BRIEF MESSAGE
