“I still blame myself for my daughter/son's depression”.
Lately, I've been seeing this statement a lot in responses I'm getting from my audience. It seems to be the one thing that many Moms who've lost a child are still suffering with.
They tell me they are feeling deep guilt and self-blame for not recognizing how bad their child's depression was.
I totally get it. I remember the specific thought I had on the day I was standing next to the police officer outside Trevor's bedroom.
That thought was “What kind of mother doesn't have an instinct to know her child is depressed?”
And, I even voiced it. I told that police officer that as a mother, I should've had the instinct to know something was wrong. There's something I must've missed.
This belief I had that I missed something kept me feeling terrible about myself for a long time. Maybe even a couple years.
Why didn't I recognize Trevor was in emotional pain?
Why didn't I see that he wasn't sleeping?
What other signs did I miss?
Do I not have that “motherly instinct” that you hear about? Maybe I wasn't normal?
These destructive thoughts kept me feeling guilt, shame, blame and anger for a long time.
Through coaching, I learned that I had the power over those thoughts. Therefore, I had the power to release the guilt, self-blame, and self-loathing I was feeling.
The release of those thoughts started me on the road to accepting what is.
I learned how to accept myself as the Mom I am.
I learned to accept that I only could do what I knew at the time. No more and no less.
I learned to accept it wasn't my fault or anyone else's.
I learned to move forward and love myself again. To show up with love and compassion in my life for my family, friends, community, and clients.
I learned that if I didn't have love and compassion for myself, I certainly wouldn't have any for anyone else.
Maybe you are still struggling with this too.
If you are, I can help.
You can get on a free call with me and learn how you can start releasing that guilt and self-loathing. It's totally possible and available for you too.
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