I wanted to take time in this post to peel back the veil a bit by telling you a quick version of my background, why I am where I am right now, and what my vision is for helping others to find what they want and why they want it.
I grew up in a fundamentalist religion. At least, that's how I describe it. My understanding and perspective was that our only job here is to get to Heaven. In order to keep our focus there, we should live in a “Godly” manner.
As a woman in this religion, I grew to believe that my goals were to:
- Find a husband who was also in the same religion
- Have as many children as God gave to us
- Raise those children as “good Christians” in the same religion
- Follow the “rules” (are they really rules or just traditions?) of no drinking, no dancing, no TV or movies, no earrings or makeup, no nail polish, no tattoos…and basically not participating in any activity that would separate you from your Faith.
- Serve my husband and my family. Keep the home, raise the children, obey my husband, obey God.
- Stay within the Christian community as much as possible. Having friends outside the community could lead to temptation and “worldly” things.
That's just a start, but maybe you get the picture.
I tried to align myself as much as possible to these things. Even though there were things I heard others say, or that I heard the Minister say on Sundays that didn't feel good to me.
I judged myself harshly if I felt a desire to do something that didn't align with the traditions of the church. I felt horribly left out at school since I wasn't able to be in Musicals or go to the school dances.
Then, our son Trevor died of suicide in 2012 unexpectedly.
I really believed that God must've deemed my husband and I as unworthy. Somehow, we had not lived up to the rules good enough. We were being punished.
As we sifted through the grief and all the “whys”, I started to get clues about what Trevor believed. Maybe things he learned about our church from others that were not things I actually believed to be true.
For a long time I found blame for myself that I put him in a church community that made him believe things that were harmful to himself. Things that he couldn't reconcile in his head with who he truly was.
I felt horrible that I, as his Mom, didn't hold loving space and acceptance for all the beauty that he was. And, that he felt he couldn't voice things about what he believed for fear that he wouldn't be acceptable.
I still struggle with the sadness that it took his death to wake me up to actually exploring what I truly believe about who I am. I hid my true self away for so many years by trying to follow this fundamental religious belief system because I was told I had to “walk the straight and narrow way” in order to get to Heaven.
What did change for me and my other children after Trevor died:
I had open and honest conversations about what is truly possible for all of us here. I held space for them to grow into the adults they were to become. I released my judgment of what success “should” look like for them and knew they would express their idea of success by just fully being themselves.
I started to also hold that space for myself and my husband. It has been difficult to be honest with myself about things I need to express to be healthy and happy.
Human Design and Astrology and Life Coaching have allowed me to peel back the layers of armor that I had erected around myself so I could hide the true me and live as the person I thought my Mom and Dad and family and church community would accept.
I know my work is to help other women peel back the layers of what they think they “should” be doing to be successful and have purpose in this lifetime.
I am here to help them release judgment about the true desires they feel in their heart and soul. I am here to help them be visible and true to themselves and the gifts they are here to offer others.
It's not easy to be vulnerable and naked in the truth of who I am. I can understand that it's not easy for you either.
My question for you is….what are you hiding?
What aren't you feeling able to talk about with others?
Are the friends you have your true friends?
Are you able to be open with them about your feelings and beliefs and dreams?
If you are ready to start the process of being visible in your business, check out my upcoming workshops.
