Last week, a woman came to a free call with me to see how I could help her with her grief.
The first thing she said was how shocked she was that her grief was “all-consuming” and she had “so many physical symptoms” after her son died.
The physical pain of grief is something I totally can relate to. After Trevor died in 2012, I felt a variety of physical symptoms, which I felt totally unprepared for.
Here is the list of symptoms I experienced:
- Heart Ache (literal, physical pain)
- Body tingles and numbness
- Waves of feeling disconnected from my body
- Feeling an intense need to “get out of my skin”
- Having my knees buckle under me without warning.
- Crying at any given moment. No matter where I was.
- Extreme fatigue. And the inability to sleep.
- Empty arms. A profound emptiness where I used to hug Trevor.
- Forgetfulness and inability to focus.
- An urge to eat as much as possible, all day long. Especially sugar.
My clients and others have told me that their grief has also included the feeling of having a heart attack or stroke, face numbness and collapse, panic attacks, chest tightness and shortness of breath, head and body aches, the inability to eat, wanting to sleep all the time, and digestive issues.
First, this is all normal.
So many wonder if they are going crazy, or if they are now dying too. And, the thought may come up “It's OK that I die now.”. It's all normal. And weird. And OK.
Many of us expect that when someone dies we will feel a lot of sadness, and probably do some crying. (Or, in my case A LOT of crying). But, what no one has told us before is that there are physical parts of grief too.
I was personally very surprised by these physical symptoms. I had no idea that I'd have to now be running to the doctor much more than normal. In the first year or 2, I had more tests and doctor visits than I had ever before.
It felt like my whole body was falling apart. And I was certain I had heart problems.
Turns out, it was just all caused by my grief. Grief puts a tremendous stress on the body. I once read that whatever problems you already have with your physical health will be aggravated and made more intense by grief.
In one way, this is comforting to hear. In another way, it feels unfair.
On top of the emotional challenges of our child's death…we now add more stress and worry by wondering about our physical health.
If there's one thing I want you to take away from this, please know that you can save your worry about the physical symptoms. Allow them to be with you on your grief journey.
Please go to the doctor to get your heart checked and talk about your symptoms. That will take some of that added stress and worry away.
Then just allow all of it to be with you. Think “This is part of the grieving process and I'm going to be OK.”
My physical symptoms subsided as time passed and as I processed through all my emotions around Trevor's suicide. Yours will too,
Which symptoms of grief surprised you the most?
If you'd like to talk about your grief with me, please setup a free call HERE. I'd love to help you too.