Many of us who've lost our child to suicide are tormented with thoughts and questions and confusion.
Sometimes for years we suffer and feel there's no way out of the agony we are in.
We wish we could go back and rewrite the past.
Sometimes we analyze all the details of our lives with our child. I know I did.
We think we should've done something differently.
We should've known there was something wrong.
We should have known our child was suffering.
We should have been a better Christian. Maybe that's why we are now being punished.
We should've sent them to a different school.
We shouldn't have yelled at them that one time.
We should've been kinder.
These “shoulds” come from our brain trying to answer the question “What did I do wrong?”
Here's the thing.
We are stuck in this misery of thoughts because we want to argue that this should not have happened.
We think for SURE life should've turned out differently for our child.
We want to continue arguing with the past.
As long as we stay arguing with the past, we won't move forward to healing.
We can choose to spend the rest of our life staying stuck and the “should've, could've, would've”. Or we can choose a different path.
You probably recognize that you can't change the past. This is a hard one to swallow. Especially when it all feels so unfair.
The best thing you can do for yourself and your child's memory is to choose to look to the future. To choose to change how you think about your child's life and death.
Your healing will begin once you recognize that you can choose to create whatever story you want about your child's suicide.
You can create a peaceful, loving story about your child's life.
You can choose to look at all the reasons you were the perfect, right Mom for him…..or you can choose to punish yourself for all the mistakes you made.
You can choose to remember how whole and full of love your child's life was…..or you can choose to stay stuck in all the things that you missed.
You can choose to believe your child is now in God's care…..or you can choose to look for all the ways God is punishing you now.
It really is your choice.
If this seems impossible right now, that's OK.
But, what if it was true?
What if, by choosing to think and believe differently about your child's suicide, you were able to set yourself free of the guilt and move towards healing?
It was true for me. Doing this shift in my thoughts helped me to see a whole new purpose for my life.
This work has created so many amazing, wonderful relationships, experiences, and opportunities to help others.
If this is something you'd like to get started on too….think about joining me in Chicago in October 2019 for the Healing Hearts Retreat. (just click on the link to find out more)
It could be the most important thing you do for yourself this year…..and I look forward to hugging you in person:)